|This is where we begin.|
Before I start, everybody has homework. In order to understand what follows? You need to read this article on how not to say the wrong thing. If you don’t read that and then continue onwards? You’ve missed the entire point of this post.
One of the many problems currently with building relationships almost exclusively using social media is that of context. Just because you know something, doesn’t mean everybody does. Take that time for instance when my brother was taken into Hospital for a brain scan. Now, that sound pretty serious, right? I thought so, but did anyone in my family decide I warranted informing of this? Nope. The only time I found out was after it happened, and then only third hand. Sometimes, you are deliberately kept out of the loop. Other times, the stuff that’s common knowledge to Person A in Country B is lost on their ‘friend’ halfway across the world. Things that seem to happen with a matter of course in your State or County? Complete mystery elsewhere. The point here is simple: context matters.
|Bye, Alan ^^|
Now take that a step further, where something I write about in the heat of anger, relevant to stuff only I understand and isn’t really that well explained, gets taken completely out of context by someone else. If this just happened this morning I’d not be here, but I can count… well this week I’d need more than one hand to do so and that means its time to do some soul searching. Am I to blame because what I write isn’t clearly alluding to my point of view? Is this me being vague and indistinct as to my desires and reasoning. In at least one case, nope, genuine ignorance was the key. Complete, unabashed and total ignorance. It’s happened before too, this is not unusual. You just chalk them down to experience and move on. However when the conflicts are deeply personal, I’m sorry, but I don’t get to shoulder all the blame.
That’s where the diagram comes in.
|Ziegler and me, sitting in a tree, VIRTUALLY INVISIBLY.|
I cannot solve your problems. I’m not a doctor, and I can’t make you better. Guilting me into feeling bad when I can’t talk to you is wrong. Also it’s really not my fault I wrote something that you didn’t like. I’m not your friend either. I know you feel as if we’re close, or that I speak to you in a way you can grasp and understand, but if you look at that diagram above? You are in the middle of your own emotional storm and there I am, the outside ring, only a lookie loo to your issues. You cannot drag me into the inner circle without a LOT of work and possibly a divorce, and I’m really sorry, I didn’t write this about you. If I reach out and talk, I do so because that’s what you do when you’re bought up to be polite and not a twat to random strangers. The fact remains, I cannot help you get better. I cannot solve your problems, I’m not a therapist and I’m certainly absolutely not an expert on anything other than my own personal feelings. So what does the girl who wants to help but knows she can’t change everything do in situations such as this? Especially when she knows people are aggrieved and potentially upset because their context and hers don’t even overlap?
There’s not a fucking thing I can do. That’s your job.
|Ain’t that the truth.|
When I make factual errors, you can be all over me, and that’s what happens now because when you reach a certain threshold, people will make it their task to correct you. When it happens you apologise, profusely and with absolutely no hubris whatsoever. Facts are intractable. You just gotta live with your stupid, and although people will tell you not to be so hard on yourself, that’s actually quite healthy, because so many people never even stop to think why they may have been wrong to begin with. However, for all the other times? No, I didn’t mean to drag all this up, but now its here it’s not a bad idea you try and deal with it, rather than pretend it doesn’t happen. Because if you genuinely want me or anyone else to get past that first circle? It’s your job to bring the walls down, and then to deal with what happens if it all goes wrong. I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve desperately wanted to know better and who have completely shut me out. You don’t get lucky every time, trust an expert on failed relationships here. Just because I lucked out with a significant other early on doesn’t mean it was smooth sailing either. Everything requires effort, people more so.
|I am not your salvation.|
For many people, social media is both a blessing and a curse. It allows you to interface with like minded souls when none exist in your town or city. It can often substitute for reality, but ultimately you need both sides of the coin to exist, and that’s hard. I struggle in my life to balance everything: work, home, school, net, games… and undoubtedly at times, things suffer. Then you have a week like this when all you do is sleep and eat and work and try and feel nothing because everything just hurts when you touch it. You fuck up. But instead of just moving on, occasionally, you use the moment as a line drawn. You resolve to be better, you work on forward and not static or reverse. This is my 50th year on the planet and I urge all of you who look to me for guidance and support to start with yourselves. You are the strongest person you know, and the kindest, and the most determined if you only allow yourself the opportunity to believe in your own worth. You don’t need other people to reinforce this, you need only to discover the belief inside yourself.
Go and be the awesome you are, and let yourself believe this is possible, because it is. When you fall down, undoubtedly, you’ll find me here too. Everybody fails. That’s just a part of life.