Look, you and I really should have a talk about your needs.

It is not impossible to be a grown up on social media. It is actually quite simple for you to live with other people’s faults and failings, if you care enough about them to begin with. To the people reading this who’ll still erroneously assume I’m about to give them a hard time? GO AWAY. I have something better to talk about today.

I suggest that if you want to keep friends in the Digital Age, there is one simple tip for doing so.

Remember you are an actual human being.

That means treating EVERYBODY the same way until it becomes apparent they’re going to garrotte you with the light fitting. It requires you to admit that you are not some perfect super being from whom all wisdom spouts. It allows you to make mistakes, and you will, and if that happens and the person matters you don’t just toss off some half-arsed apology and move on, you actually mean it. Mostly, it means that the passive aggressive crap that I’ve often been accused of spouting when someone else decides to give me a fucking hard time for being what I am, is unacceptable BOTH WAYS. I shouldn’t go to the medias and start poking people when they leave without warning, but when I do there’s always a reason. Ironically, most of the time I can tell you why they left. In the end, if you join up and don’t grasp what a stream of gut and knee jerk reaction I spout on any given day? More fool you. The bigger issues remain intact: I don’t suffer fools. If you publicly attack me, don’t expect me to just take it. Most significantly of all if you start pouring scorn on genuine enthusiasm, however misguided you might think the argument is?
The trapdoor’s just waiting over there.
Going down.

I think sometimes there are those I interact with who don’t think I notice their actions, but you’ll be surprised at what an anally retentive bitch I can be. That comes with the territory, and having a long memory means that you may happily think that something’s forgotten, but it really isn’t. If you consistently attempt to push me into situations where you hope I’ll react? Well, sometimes I just won’t either, and that’s because I know what you’re up to and no, I’m not playing. The reason why I’m writing this now is simple: I don’t care. Those particular haters who play the game I love? Nope. You don’t get to win any more. That’s it. I’m done with you.

There are no more fucks to clumsily misplace.

I’m not giving you the fight you so desperately want. I will not argue a contrary position any more. Unless you can be constructive and civil, this doesn’t even get to kick off. You’re on your own in the dressing rooms and I’m already taking the train home. It’s null and void, you get a walkover and it is so done that you can use the remains as charcoal. You won’t bait me, you’re not going to encourage me, and if you keep up with the psychology crap any more I’ll just laugh in your face.

Oh, and did I tell you how much I don’t care?


I know you won’t fuck off, because that’s how stupid works on the Internet. If I were Stephen Fry I’d leave. But I’m not, so you can just get in the fucking sea. Off you go.