This has taken all day to write. It should be obvious shortly as to why.
This is by some way one of my favourite GIF images, for several reasons. Uppermost is the sense of calm and contentment I gain from watching doughnuts get coated. This is the kind of mental relaxation that, after a hard day having to cope with being on the same wavelength as the rest of the world, is sorely needed. It’s not just eye stimulation that’s required either…
This piece of music has an amazing, regenerative effect on my brain, in much the same way as the doughnuts, but is far more subtle. There are points in the music where it is almost as if parts of disparate subconscious come back together, fusing into a stronger and more capable version of myself. It could almost be considered a version of ASMR were it obviously not something far more significant.
In preparation for going into autism assessment, there’s a lot of thought being given to what makes me calm and relaxed, countered with the things that can (and inevitably do) trigger a sensory overload. That means looking at triggers, which has not been an entirely pleasant experience to sit down and recount. There’s a list now, the things that will undoubtedly push me over the edge. If you want to know what that feels like in my brain, this is a pretty accurate visual representation.
As to the triggers themselves, mine are a fairly complex bunch, and no I’m not going to share them. However, there are lots of notes, far more than ever existed before. Sitting down and admitting to yourself that something can cause you mental anguish is not an easy admission. This blog post was significantly delayed because of that very epiphany, realisation there’s more to be gained from not sharing everything.
Needless to say, this is significant progress, and is allowing an expansion of my consciousness into situations that were previously inaccessible. However the biggest single change is in writing: being able to accurately convey the issues, using language that makes it easier for other people not only to interact but react to my issues… this is an amazing place.
This truly feels like a step forward.
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