And here we have, as promised, the video of me and Niki (plus Julie and Nina) performing via the magic of Zoom.
I would be very interested to hear comments in the chat 😀
This Is What It Feels Like
It has taken me almost a week to get to this post, and I’m going to backdate it because a) that’s a Thing and b) it’ll be a good indicator of who actually reads the blog to begin with. The Virtual Launch was far and beyond more successful than I could have imagined. I thought when another group scheduled their event for the same evening that was it, nobody would show, but my concern was unfounded. Not only did people turn up, they stayed to the end. They also said some totally lovely things about my work.
These two videos are the slides I made for the presentation. Obviously there is no sound, but it gives a rough idea of what was achieved. Six poems of mine, and six poems by the poets who have helped me get this far. It was a real bonus when I asked everyone for permission that nobody said no, and they’d all said yes within 72 hours. I take that as a sign that I asked the right people. Also, massive thanks to Nina Parmenter for being my support act. When I grow up, I really want to write as well as she does.
I’m waiting for the official video to appear, and when it does? I’ll let you know. For now, I need to be organizing a Real Life Launch on the 30th, and my caterer has completely ghosted me for the cake… 😦
Waiting for the Great Leap Forwards
Well, it’s been A Week, but in the most excellent manner possible. I’m less than two weeks away from my first ever book launch. The reality hasn’t really sunk in, and I expect it won’t until well after the event, but for now, I’m already looking ahead, because it is a foolish woman who lives in the moment of one success for too long. When I look at what has bought me from 2018 to now, a lot of my progress has come by not resting on my laurels and trying as many new things as possible to see what feels like a good fit. That means, right now, I’m on TikTok and making YouTube Shorts.
TikTok is, I have to say, a genuinely intimidating experience, which is why I need to be there right now. It will also be where I advertise the pamphlet launch, just to see if I get anyone buying the book as a result. The same goes for YouTube, whose Shorts programme is being set up not just as a direct rival to TikTok, but as a means of funnelling people from short to long form video. It all makes perfect sense to me from a marketing/promotion perspective. This is how I’m going to start and end my days for the foreseeable future. Time to learn some new skills and see what happens.
I also need to fit this into my new working schedule, which will take a while but should make life a lot easier going forward. Twitter as an advertising medium for me has been transformative in the last twelve months, after all. I’d not have my book deal without it. Bearing that in mind, it is time to keep innovating and assessing where I am.
There is a phenomenal amount to look forward too, after all.
2022 Content/General Writing Post/Hashtag Poetry/Ko-Fi Content/Poetry/Writing as Therapy/Writing Projects
National Poetry Day: ɛvəluːʃ(ə)n
It’s that time of year again. Due to literally not having had the time to prep for either this or World Mental Health Day on the 10th (for reasons that will soon be apparent) I’ve had to be a bit sneaky this time around, and I am hitting Social media at the two most busy times for me: 9am and 5pm, with these blogs filling the spaces in between. This is the second poem: ɛvəluːʃ(ə)n
Here it is for those of you who like your poems not in graphic form:
ɛvəluːʃ(ə)n consider this a fitting end to each selfish bastard the code which humanity was never meant to cypher humans once lived here extinct now no longer a blip the errant bug this line coldly remembered as strata
I didn’t realize that strata was a plural form until I wrote this poem (a single layer of rock is called a stratum) and this then caused a bit of frantic, eleventh hour editing. If you can find people willing to look over your work, these are the friends you want to keep forever. As I also mentioned in the previous blog, this piece also echoes another piece of work written this year. We are only tourists on this planet, and it is very obvious that the holiday period is now coming to an end.
The more I write environmental work, the more I am drawn to doing the forms justice. I entered for the Gingo Prize but didn’t make it past the first stage: I’m hoping that in time there might be a longlist appearance. I think I’d take that as significant progress. Writing commercial work is very difficult for me, especially when it is about such important subjects. The more I practice, inevitably, the better I will get at the final result. I’m very proud of both these pieces.
If you enjoy this poem, please consider buying me a cuppa on Ko-fi.
2022 Content/General Writing Post/Hashtag Poetry/Ko-Fi Content/Poetry/Writing as Therapy/Writing Projects
National Poetry Day: The War on Trees
It’s that time of year again. Due to literally not having had the time to prep for either this or World Mental Health Day on the 10th (for reasons that will soon be apparent) I’ve had to be a bit sneaky this time around, and I am hitting Social media at the two most busy times for me: 9am and 5pm, with these blogs filling the spaces in between. This is the first poem: The War on Trees.
Here it is for those of you who like your poems not in graphic form:
The War on Trees This summer was a killer behind beauty, lingers terror; I'm not strong enough to survive another. You see nothing, I'm constant, craving for rain, respect, the hands that once celebrated grain now instead are tempted by a wheel, the coin, nothing at all. Our roots are failing, the landscape, burning my name, becomes my fate.
There’s an actual, interesting story for this poem, too: the first two lines occurred to me as I was driving in heavy, rush hour traffic on a dual carriageway and unable to stop. Panicking slightly, I phoned home, knowing nobody was there, before leaving myself an answering machine message. I invented the distance dictation device, and really have to hope that’s not the first time a writer has panicked and done the exact same thing.
This year’s been a significant one for me in terms of environmental work, having plucked up the courage to submit a science-fiction based concept to a major concept. There are echoes of it in the second poem: this one is the constant reminder to myself that we know so little about trees, and we are treating them, as we are all nature at present, with little or no real care. I think many of my favourite spaces are close to being decimated by the changes in climate. I really hope that I am wrong.
If you enjoy this poem, please consider buying me a cuppa on Ko-fi.
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Video Output: Golden Mile
For the last couple of months there’s been a project on that I’ve not talked about that much, because it has taken most of my ability and brainpower to ensure it gets made. Now that a routine has been established, it’s time to relax a bit and step back. Welcome to the World of Me, finally establishing myself as a YouTube Creative.
I’d played around with poetry for a while using imagery: this included a couple of poems for Dreich TV, which have yet to see the proper light of day but are likely to do so as one-off specials over the Summer. Everything is currently available on YouTube, and the plan going forward is to use more of my back catalogue, where items have appeared in anthologies or elsewhere, as a basis to create new canvases. There’s a lot to work from now, which is lovely.
Therefore, we’ll be double-teaming online hashtag prompts and video on the site across the summer… but August is also the Sealey Challenge, which asks people to read a poetry book a day. I have a lot of work to pile through and am already planning the read list… it will be a pleasant change from worrying about my own output!
We’ll also do some blogging on this next month too. See you there 😀
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The Craft: Output
For the last six months, I have been trying to use software as a means by which I can keep track of my poetry submissions. It all fell apart last month when I realized it was harder work to keep tabs on everything electronically when I’m sad my work just got rejected via email. It’s a solid approach, though: many people do this with spreadsheets or on paper. As a result, I have decided that instead of tech, I need to go back to basics. Therefore, after some poking around stationary websites, we have an answer.
Yup, it’s time to write everything on index cards. As I’m not sure if this is gonna work, it was the plan initially to get stuff that’s recyclable. If it does work, Ideally, I’d love to get some old style wooden storage boxes instead, but let’s see if we can stick to the game plan first. I’ll be starting the process of reorganizing everything next week. I’ve managed to break everything down into manageable groups this time, and then it is just about keeping the system current. It matters because I have quite a bit of work now.
It also means I need to begin categorizing my work more precisely, which in itself was half the reason why I failed to keep everything up to date previously. After all, you never know when someone might turn up and want to publish my work… 😛
The Craft: Education
This week I come to the end of a nine-week writing course, which has involved directly reading and understanding a particular author, writing pieces based on their work and your reaction to it, and finally listening to the author talk about their craft. It’s a very potent combination of stimulus and education, and for me, it’s been one of the hardest things I have ever done as a creative. None of this has to do with the content, far from it. Most of the issues have been as a result of what the environment stimulated within me.
I did not come to sessions to be triggered by prompts, but it happened right off the bat. This has been a problem in previous online workshop interactions too, and remains one of the reasons why in-person residential or events can be fraught with anxiety for me. In the end, however, I did not do what has previously been the case and walk away. I leant into everything, as much as was possible. It’s a measure of how I have progressed mentally in the last year that this has resulted in some of the best work I’ve ever produced.
However, for the first time, it isn’t just the words that have altered. My relationship with the people I was learning with has been quite different from previous instances. A lot of this has to do with the personalities, but mostly it is the willingness to share honestly that has really made the difference. The original group of ‘students’ dropped quite quickly, too, which was a surprise to me. If I am paying for a course, why would I abandon it without it having been finished? This makes no sense to me. Regardless of detail, I have met some new mutuals on this journey and am VERY happy about it.
This has been a really significant period of my writing life, and the effects will be felt for quite some time to come.
Adventures in Babysitting
It’s been a Week. The two Open Mics were more successful than I could possibly have imagined. From one, a recommendation from a hero to submit. From the other? I’m pretty certain it earned me the chance to spend 15 minutes on the Big Kid’s Table…
In Full Disclosure News, I made the poster, because it might be a while before anyone else puts my face on anything, and you take the chances whenever they arise. Questions need to be asked next week as to a) how long I do in fact get to read, b) whether its in the first half or second and c) if graphics can be used. I think the last one is the least important right now, but am seriously thinking about the possibility of presentation. Maybe that happens when it’s just me doing both halves…
I’ll be talking more about this in the weeks leading up to the event, but needless to say, a LOT of publicity is going to happen. It is the least I can do as thanks for the opportunity. Having never read for longer than five minutes before?
This undoubtedly is a game changer.
The Bigger Picture: Exercise
From time to time, I will feel the need going forward to write about other things than poetry.
According to the way in which BMI is measured I am, right now, eligible for the above programme.
Except, I am in the best shape of my entire adult life, can deadlift 65 kg and bench press close to 45 kg. I still get breathless going upstairs at certain times of the day, because of the way my body works. In essence, I’m a train: it needs a while for me to get going, and then I can work for hours. It’s also taken nearly six years of incredibly painful, mental and physical challenge to get this far, and to understand what one body is capable of achieving. 12 weeks of support, to be honest, seems like a bit of an insult. Being healthy needs to become a full-time commitment, and trying to make schemes best fit for most people is often doomed to failure.
Exercise is also not the answer for everyone. Throwing terms like ‘fat’ and ‘thin’ about is insulting to so many, and using BMI as a benchmark is increasingly being cited as a damaging and dangerous. The key, undoubtedly, are measurements like biometrics, and a genuine understanding that not all human beings are born the same. I’ll never be ‘normal’, after all, because my body’s a lot longer than most people’s and my legs are shorter than many others, and it is high time that we stop using old-fashioned labels to try and define fitness. I really hope in the next 10 years that there’s a move away from ‘wellness’ as a visually-defined ideal. People are not all created equal.
Since I started at my gym, as you can see, I’ve put on nearly 10 kilos. Most people go to exercise in order to lose weight as a path to health and fitness. Not me. I’m here to fulfil my weightlifting ambitions, and become a better cyclist. In the last six years I’ve completed numerous bike events (including Ride London) and last year I completed my first 10 km run. In all this time, there’s been a running battle between body and brain, one that has lost me friends and caused numerous amounts of emotional grief. You are not exercising to fulfil someone else’s idea of happy, or indeed fit. You should be doing it to give yourself happiness, with an improved quality of life.
If exercise does not do this, the answer may not lie in being what other people think is acceptable or beautiful, and this is why I think more Gyms need to be putting mental health front and centre in their wellness plans. What is it that stops you from achieving your goals? Why do you eat in the first place? What changes would you like to make, not only to be healthier, but to feel mentally more capable of changing your life? Just giving someone 12 weeks to change and no support or motivation to do so is not helpful. I’d love to see more Personal Trainers with Mental Health First Aid qualifications, and more Pharmacists with the same.
This has never just been about eating less and exercising more, even though that’s basically the point you need to reach to succeed.
At the start of the month, my Gym awarded me the title PT Hero after deciding that I’d worked quite hard and deserved some recognition. They presented me this in a packed exercise class, which was good practice for the day when I do indeed win a Poetry Award and I don’t crumble to dust with the attention. It also made me realize that, in all my adult life, I never really felt I’d achieved something until someone else took the time to tell me so. I have medals, I’ve fundraised over £1000 for mental health charities, but nothing thus far feels as important as this, and that’s odd when I spend a lot of time not getting worried about other people.
It makes me ask the question: why does this matter? Normally I’d take time to work that out but not today. Achievement and representation are not the same thing. For decades, I hated exercise, found it hard and stressful, because I could not push past the idea I had to look and act a certain way. Once the tyranny of appearance was dealt with, and once I started seeing women like me being given greater prominence in the wider world, it was easier to believe that this was acceptable, that I could be the strong, capable woman I had always wanted to be but never known where to find.
All the awards in the world are not as important as being respected and encouraged as a strong and capable person.
I am tired of the manufactured Influencer outlook, so many people have, on life. I want to hear about failure, and stress and concerns because only by knowing other people feel like we do does anyone ever get anywhere. It’s not about being at the top of a pile and looking down: we all need to lift each other up, help collectively to improve life and wellbeing for everyone. If my Award inspires someone, if my exercise chat makes someone thing or maybe just sharing the Sky article changes someone’s view, it’s worth talking about. I am also tired of people shouting at each other, as if knowing the ‘right’ answer will help everybody in the long run anyway.
We need to stop telling, and start showing what matters most.
The Internet of Words 
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