I’m supposed to be having a couple of weeks off, but instead there is a compulsion to write here for the first time in a while. The reasons are complex, and will be discussed in other places as time goes on, but for now, this is the moment to start laying foundations down for new ventures. As that happens, it is also the moment to consider how far I have come.
For the last thirty-nine weeks, I’ve captured myself on video explaining my plans going forward, and this undoubtedly has contributed to an ability to rationalize beyond what was there to begin with. The fortieth video will launch on a new platform, having finally removed myself from Patreon. Ironically, it was their own fault it happened. I was given the opportunity to join a marketing course, which showed me how to sell the ‘brand’ better.
This is not a brand, and never will be. I am a perennial work in progress, and trying to promote that on a platform which only sees fulfilment and cash as success really was doomed to failure. As a transactional person at heart, there needs to be a balance between what is truth and what is the line that won’t be crossed. It was therefore inevitable the relationship would end after it was obvious the company’s values and mine did not align.
I was sent a brand survey last week that was the last straw, and I made my displeasure known. Also, I didn’t sign up to win the $100 gift card because the exchange rate is woeful, part of a far bigger issue.
This week I’m going out with the youngest, will be taking photos everywhere, and hope to get some back end work fixed in an environment which is considerably more conducive than it was. Mostly, I need to be organized better, which is the perennial demon to appease. At least now that’s grasped, there are other things to talk about.
#Instaverse will be back in September, but so will occasional posting here too on personal issues.
I watched someone this week perform poetry about an event so personal and clearly upsetting that it moved them almost to tears. This is not the first time I’ve seen this happen, either. How are these people capable of conveying their pain and drama so effectively? Will I ever get there myself…
I’ve lost a lot of friends over the years, a lot of which is to do with my own shortcomings. However, now I have lots of new friends who are more understanding of what I am, and what that means. The truth is lots of things to different people. Knowing when to move on is an important life skill.
This week, my night before writing schedule was pretty seriously fecked: by trips out, then football, and then inescapable fatigue. Therefore, we recorded them all, one after the other, starting here with a poem as a reminder that Endless Time is not my luxury, and so maybe extracting the digit and getting on with stuff is a better idea…
Someone really annoyed me today. Then I stopped and thought logically about why there is the need to react to such things in this way. The answer is simple. Context alters everything you see and do, and the Internet is a lens many people do not grasp is as capable of burning as it is reflecting or magnifying. Once you grasp why things happen, it becomes a great deal easier to rationalize.