History Will Teach us Nothing

When your life is altered by something that you’d had no intention of allowing to happen, your routine (such as it is) can become a bit useless. The timing of this new push into historic trauma using poetry as the delivery system is, in a certain light, less than optimal. However, ignoring it has the potential to make my personal life a lot more difficult than it needs to be in a period where that is absolutely NOT what needs to happen. As a result? Everything is being used as a potential learning experience. That means today we are writing about history.

Yesterday, I engaged with the writer of a feature detailing the ‘best’ raiding content [*] in World of Warcraft. As the game is constantly changing and evolving, deciding the best of anything at distance can seem a bit of a pointless exercise. After all, looking at something that was great back in 2005 and then attempting to compare it to something that’s been created in 2023, when so much has altered in terms of performance, graphical improvement and simple game system overhauls… how can you possibly do anything justice without factoring in the context?

This Guide covers the last Expansion I played before I left the game.

When the makers of World of Warcraft decided to reboot and relaunch the original ‘Classic’ game a few years ago, they were very much aware of why this mattered, and how potentially significant that revamp would be. It wasn’t necessarily about attracting new players, either: the ‘original’ template remains ‘free’ to all existing purchasers of the current game. Their plan appeared simple: reproduce an experience of the original 2004 release and encourage players to buy back into a world many of them had never experienced, because they were more concerned about getting to the most recent Expansion instead to play with their friends.

Except, by doing so, a very significant portion of the game’s own evolutionary path was summarily erased.

There’s been a lot of thought, as I write about the 2005 to 2009 period, over reactivating my old account and going back into Classic: except, of course, it’s not the same game. However much I may be told this is an authentic experience, that’s not true, and it never will be. I am being sold that most seductive of marketing dummies, in the hope that I’ll be retained as a player and that all-important monthly sub will find its way back into the company’s coffers. Not going back is a good thing. There are many good reasons, as will become clear as the poems in this project make it out of my brain and onto the page.

Ion Hazzikostas was, like me, A Classic Player, but he ended up joining Activision Blizzard and designing the game….

Classic has been reduced to a manageable footnote by the game’s designers, many of which found their jobs in the company playing that iteration. Our experiences were vastly different, and the history I bring to the table will be a very long way from that which is fondly remembered by them. Does that make my moments any less valuable? Of course, it doesn’t, but because of how they happened and the consequences of them in relation to the game, that history is again sublimated into something else. It seems incredibly important for my experiences, as a result, to be presented as history and context with the proper backdrop to frame it.

Poets are supposed to let readers fathom out what’s going on in their work, at least 90 percent of the time. There are those such as Jonathan Davidson who espouse a more didactic approach to the process, that there should be an explanation when context is not easily presentable, or the subject is particularly niche. This has been the biggest single quandary in creating a timeline that marries game events to real life events. Yesterday was the first day when I felt there’d been a solid, cohesive process in drawing a walkable path from then to now.


What matters most of all right now however isn’t what happens with the work, it is the creating of it. However, as this happens, I find myself increasingly needing to explain the processes as I go: not just to myself, but as a means of making sure the chronology remains both correct and accessible, so I am going to start blogging about Warcraft again. This was how I saved my soul back in 2009. To go back to it felt counterintuitive for a while but, at my heart, I am a storyteller. I never thought my own narratives would have any relevance.

It transpires this is a very long way from the current truth these poems present me with.

[*] Raiding content is where 10-40 people (depending on expansion) all play together in an attempt to down ‘boss encounters’ where the computer adversaries are considerably more powerful than normal.

Coming Around Again

“Who controls the past controls the future;
Who controls the present controls the past.”

George Orwell, 1984

A phenomenal amount of my life is spent writing: it has become the constant, therapeutic heart of existence. When it is difficult to explain something, or a subject invokes anxiousness or unhappiness, that’s a sure-fire sign that there’s a part of the past which has not been reconciled with the present. Most times that also means attacking the issue head on so that life can continue unabated. Except, for a long time, there’s been a period of the past which has been left alone for a very good reason. Last month, all that changed.

I’ve written about the precise moment that altered my outlook on Substack, but it’s not the whole story. There is so much complexity involved in this and the time period around it that, even fourteen years on, there are knots of emotional terror and uncertainty that are yet to be unpicked. So, it seems like the right time to do something about it. I’ve set up this mini-site with one intention: to allow myself the space and time to explain what happened around the period of my life in 2009 when I came close to committing suicide.

Warcraft was my life at that point: as a mother and wife, self-esteem was non-existent and there was depression unlike anything I have experienced since. What happened to change this was the belief that writing might yet give me a purpose, and it did. If it were also as simple as that, then this would not require an additional narrative, but there is a lot more at play. As the poetry is written about that time and what happened afterwards, there is already the beginnings of acceptance and closure.

When people were asked via social media what was the first thing they associated with Warcraft, friends and friendship was the top answer. It’s easy to forget sometimes just how many people there still are in my life who first found me via Azeroth (the home world on which the Warcraft factions, the Horde and the Alliance exist) and that countless people still live and play there. The reasons for my final departure have very little to do with the game itself, and a lot to do with the people who run the company. It does not mean those times are tarnished too, a fact that’s only just beginning to become apparent.

There are a lot of stories to be told, too: some of them reflect the early days of internet stalking and online abuse. Others document the terror of how online relationships can suddenly and unexpectedly go sour. These moments however are massively outweighed by generosity, camaraderie and sheer brilliance in both heart and spirit that were encountered across multiple virtual continents, in situations that still have the potential to make me cry unprompted, or laugh until there are tears of joy. It truly was the best and worst of times, and it is time to accept both for what they were.

In time, issues can begin to be reconciled, in a manner that makes me feel comfortable that the right road has finally been travelled.

This is a story of how a virtual world allowed one neurodivergent to live better in the real one.

Pejorative Terms Video #8

This is the eighth of twenty videos both written and produced by me as part of my ‘Pejorative Terms’ Project. You’ll find the central hub for the poetry by clicking here.

I’ll be providing information on the inspiration and production of this video this week, which will again be linked to the central hub. There is also a portion of this content which will only be available to those who subscribe to me on Ko-Fi.

Click here to go to my Ko-Fi Page.

Thank you for your support.

Pejorative Terms Video #7

This is the seventh of twenty videos both written and produced by me as part of my ‘Pejorative Terms’ Project. You’ll find the central hub for the poetry by clicking here.

I’ll be providing information on the inspiration and production of this video this week, which will again be linked to the central hub. There is also a portion of this content which will only be available to those who subscribe to me on Ko-Fi.

Click here to go to my Ko-Fi Page.

Thank you for your support.

Build

2023 is where I try and make a serious fist at building a digital audience away from social media. Looking at the state of Twitter in the past week, it’s not the place to do this on. So, we’re gonna try a new direction.

Welcome to the Substack Poetry Project.

The 2023 Substack Header: on a purple background of raised letters, the words 'No Gloss, No Veneer, No Filter' appear

If you are part of Ko-Fi, free paid access to all of this is provided as part of your package. For everybody else, there’s this link:

CLICK TO SUBSCRIBE TO SUBSTACK

Paying £5 a month or £40 a year ( which is a 33% saving) which will get you the following:

  • Two posts a week, which will be based on current affairs, my brain space at any given time and may yet involve me being more open about my experiences as a digital creative. (If you pick the free option, there’s still one post a week you have access to, it’s just the extra stuff you’ll miss)
  • I’ll also write, discuss and then build a poetry collection EXCLUSIVELY for subscribers. No using stuff from submissions elsewhere or recycling old content. this is JUST FOR YOU. A mock-up of the cover can be found below. I’ll also illustrate the whole thing myself because, well, I can.
  • In December 2023 I’ll release a digital chapbook of the content exclusively for subscribers. It will not be sold ANYWHERE ELSE.
The cover of my 2023 digital chapbook, NOT A TOY. These words are seen on the screen of a Laptop, shown in close-up.

The Substack will also include exclusive access to video and audio. There will probably be a physical version too, and I can guarantee you’ll get a badge of some kind. You can blame my mate Darren for that new obsession. The plan is to finish off with 23 poems, give or take, by the beginning of December. It’ll be a lovely Christmas gift to look forward to.

You can also sub as a Founder, and if you do… I’ll provide you with all my work. That means Free, physical copies of EVERYTHING I MAKE going forward. No questions asked, I will be good to my word, promising 100% lack of grift. This tier will be extended to everybody who has supported me on Ko-Fi over the last few years.

If you choose to join as a Free Sub I will offer you discounts on individually generated, published work and anything I personally offer for sale via either Ko-Fi or the website.

CLICK TO SUBSCRIBE TO SUBSTACK

The Year in Review

I decided to do my Year in Review on Twitter this year because the way things are going? It might not exist in a year’s time. Therefore, I’ve used the ‘Unroll’ feature on WordPress to take all the info and transcribe it here for posterity. I wonder what the next Big Thing will be?

The INTERNET OF WORDS AGM begins at 10am.

The Conference Hall is now open, please help yourself to the complimentary (virtual) snacks. Now playing this selection of HIGH QUALITY TUNES

The Internet of Words Content Overview 2023 Graphic: on a cheeful purple background of capital letters, the Internet of Words logo sits above text that states "2023 Content Overview" and because there's a graphic you KNOW we're being right proper serious...

Apologies for the late start, but Brenda from Accounts locked herself in the kitchen, and we needed to get Janitor Phil off his break to let her out.

GOOD MORNING and welcome to the AGM.

Firstly, apologies for absence:

I’ve got Google Calendar now and am trying my best.

So, here we go: The YEAR IN REVIEW.

It was fucking GREAT! The first four months of this year do actually seem like a lifetime ago, if I’m honest. April 5th was the BIG MOMENT.

I got my first headline gig thanks to @DragonfliesSW 😀

A poster for my Flight of the Dragonflies debut.

@theeabsentee @JulesJumping and @cov_art have all gone on to do rather well this year too, so all in all everybody’s a winner from those two gigs. That poster’s framed and up on the Poetry Room shelf, as a reminder that anything is possible if you want it enough.

Then, there was the PUBLISHING DEAL, thanks to the newly-formed (and very lovely) @FoD_Press. Here’s a video to celebrate my first time ‘In the Room’ with them, in Brighton 😀

In June, I also was lucky enough to act as Official DJ for @KendalPoetry and had my life and poetic direction distinctly altered. Here’s a video from that period as well:

There have been COUNTLESS Open Mic events this year: thank you to @pandemonialists @WordsworthGras @DragonfliesSW @CafeWriters and many others for having me this year. In 2023, I plan to try and do at least two virtual Open Mics per month. I have A LOT TO SAY.

… and then, I was lucky enough to get a Pamphlet deal 😀

Have you bought one yet?

Not sure if it’s for you? There’s a WHOLE WEBSITE of secondary material to check out! Here’s a review!

… and if that’s not enough, you can watch me PERFORM SOME POEMS right here.

Originally tweeted by S 🗨️ is 💭 a 💬 Poet (@InternetofWords) on December 14, 2022.

Pejorative Terms Video #6

This is the sixth of twenty videos both written and produced by me as part of my ‘Pejorative Terms’ Project. You’ll find the central hub for the poetry by clicking here.

I’ll be providing information on the inspiration and production of this video this week, which will again be linked to the central hub. There is also a portion of this content which will only be available to those who subscribe to me on Ko-Fi.

Click here to go to my Ko-Fi Page.

Thank you for your support.

Pejorative Terms Video #5

This is the fifth of twenty videos both written and produced by me as part of my ‘Pejorative Terms’ Project. You’ll find the central hub for the poetry by clicking here.

I’ll be providing information on the inspiration and production of this video this week, which will again be linked to the central hub. There is also a portion of this content which will only be available to those who subscribe to me on Ko-Fi.

Click here to go to my Ko-Fi Page.

Thank you for your support.

Pejorative Terms Video #4

This is the fourth of twenty videos both written and produced by me as part of my ‘Pejorative Terms’ Project. You’ll find the central hub for the poetry by clicking here.

I’ll be providing information on the inspiration and production of this video this week, which will again be linked to the central hub. There is also a portion of this content which will only be available to those who subscribe to me on Ko-Fi.

Click here to go to my Ko-Fi Page.

Thank you for your support.

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