The Long, Dark Teatime of the Soul

I should have started doing this far, far earlier in my life than now. This revelation isn’t really very useful or productive, so now it’s been said let’s stick it in the pile and move on. Friday was, all told, very surreal, like it happened to somebody else, or I was slightly removed from my own body. The only thing remembered was the round of applause granted when it was apparent this poem wot I wrote was a first publication.

Everything else is a blur. I met some lovely people though, and had a long conversation with Rachel Boast, for whom the W.S. Graham project has been something of a labour of love. Lots of people were lovely about my ability and my presentation too, which all bodes well going forward. Part of me wants to do a slideshow of imagery to go with any future reading, and suspect that there may be opportunity to try this out later in the year. There are plans, oh yes.

I wish I’d taken more pictures too, but in the end the ones that exist will be enough as a start. A phenomenal amount of stuff was learnt: I need better trousers for starters, and a pair of gig boots. Then there’s material, and the route to further publication… I’m looking forward to being told I’ve not won a bunch of stuff next month so I can sort out a ton of other projects using that detritus. The biggest bonus undoubtedly from all of this is a feeling of validation. Yes, you can do this.

Yes, this is just the beginning.

And I Love Her

This is the last of four posts I scheduled for ‘Interests’ in the mistaken belief there’s enough interesting stuff in my life to write about at length. The truth is, of course, existence is incredibly mundane most of the time. I eat, sleep, exercise, write, play mum to two young adults who increasingly don’t require the supervision and a husband who I have to schedule time with around work and cycling. None of this is a problem. Life is pretty much as good as it can be.

Some people in my position would be unhappy however that this is all there is. They are, and daily via Social media that fact is communicated with varying degrees of competence. Sure, there’s stuff here that could be better, and changed: it is, slowly, all being reassessed as issues present themselves. On the top of that list is redecorating the house, which has pretty much remained as it was since my daughter was born in 2005. After that, the garden’s slowly becoming a practical place in which to grow fruit.

gardening

Yes, of course I’d like a sizeable pile of best-selling books in any number of genres and styles, but I’m also very much a realist. It’s been a year here pretty much solidly of creating this website, building a foundation of content that will allow me to continue to grow and expand as a writer, with living proof of ability outside of submitted work. Next year, that means being able to self-generate income. It worked for six months with Patreon, and hopefully once I get Gumroad up and running it will again.

I can but hope.

cosmicballet.gif

It is a modest goal, to recreate a career from scratch at this late stage of existence. I feel it isn’t overreaching, and is still eminently doable. When my faith in other people is shaken, that the people I respect and look up to are human too and can make mistakes, it is just a part of the process required to make the next step. Self promotion is not dirty or wrong. Some people will hate you regardless. There’s no right way to become what your dreams dictate.

Just be yourself, and hope everything else just works out okay.